Saturday, August 07, 2004

Fears Revisited

I just finished my MBA Fundraising class today. I was only getting the hang of it when I realized it was already finished. It was a one week sequence of events that all happened in fast forward, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I experienced the early morning Ortigas traffic, the expensive lunches with my classmates, the off the charts sleepiness that I drank two sachets of coffee concentrated in one cup (still it didn’t work), and the worst of them all, a married man hitting on me all week. Later on, I will try tell you everything about each experience but now let’s concentrate on the married man incident.

It started on the first day, Monday, when this cute chubby guy sat next to me in class. Now to those who know me, I really don’t go for the chubbies. I’m the girl who prefers the guy who wears jeans, shirt, jacket and one day stubbles. But this guy, lets call him PB (Papa Bear), was different. He has this calm confidence in him that even if he doesn’t speak you would know he’s really an interesting character. And so he asked for my card, and in the interest of being polite, I also asked for his card. That was day one.

Tuesday. He asked for my mobile number and complained that it wasn’t in my biz card. So I gave it to him. A girl would know if a guy is interested in him, at that moment I knew PB was with me. Usually, the moment I know, I would avoid them. But PB wasn’t wearing a ring so I didn’t mind, besides, I kind of like him.

Wednesday. I received this early morning text about whatever the heck it is, I don’t remember. The number was unregistered. PB was late and when he arrived he sat next to me, again, and made small talk. He asked me if I received his text. “So that was you” I replied. Now its confirmed that he really likes me, and I like him, too. I was distracted that day. We have a shoot for an AVP we’re doing for ASCM and I was texting and calling the office every now and then. Good thing our class was dismissed early so I can go back to the office earlier than usual. On my way to Makati, I received PB’s text asking if I was still in Mega mall and that he wants to invite me for a snack and a movie. This guy is fast, he’s too fast for me. I replied that its bad timing and he can ask me again sometime. I like him actually and if I wasn’t in a rush to get to the office I would go with him for the merienda, the movie, I’m not so sure. By the way, he asked me to go with him to buy a laptop on Thursday and I absentmindedly said yes. Duh!

Thursday. He sat beside me again as usual and asked about the laptop. Lunchtime came but I didn’t go with him. I was pulled by my other classmate to go eat in this impossibly expensive place and I couldn’t say no. By the time we were dismissed, he asked if we could go to the library to research about grants. I didn’t go. I wanted to but I just couldn’t. Something in the air made me weary. When I got to the office I was really affected on the fact that I didn’t go with him. I kept asking if what I did was wrong.

Friday. We had lunch together with another classmate and I was really getting to like him. Then the truth was revealed that he has a wife and daughter. I was stunned but I kept my composure. How could this guy invite me for snacks and a movie when he’s already married? What made him think that I’m the type that would go out with a married man such as him? Is it because of his car, which by the way is a limited edition Revo, that he thinks he can attract girls like me? I was insulted by the whole thing. But I didn’t let him see what I felt. I don’t want him to think that he’s important enough to affect me. But I was saddened and angered at how he acted towards me.

This morning as the MBA class hosted an event at ATS, I got to meet his wife. I didn’t even remember her name because all I can feel is pity, pity for her that her husband is doing what a husband is not suppose to do. We all got to ride in his car together with our other classmates. The experience was so weird I thought it can happen only in movies.

The whole event left a lot of questions in my mind. What if my future husband did that to me? How would I feel? How do I know he’s doing that to me? How could a Christian, a leader of their church do something as deceiving as that? It also awakened fears that I’ve been trying to remove from my system, the fear that I might be faced with the same dilemma in the future. It also assured me of God’s goodness and his protection that He never allowed me to go with him alone, inspite the fact that I wanted to.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Ghie! Nag mba ka na din pala at traumatic pa ha! -Jhen